How to Raise Extroverted Children While Being An Introverted Mom

A mom’s social life is filled with countless interactions that she has little control over.

There is attending to your children’s needs, finding out about your husband’s day went, play dates and the occasional coffee date with a friend.

These all may seem like innocuous events to the average person, but to the introverted mom keeping up with an extroverted child, it is absolutely exhausting.

When someone thinks about an introvert, they usually picture an awkward person standing off in the distance at every social outing.

Scary Mommy shares an eye-opening story that reveals how most introverts are not socially inept; they just find focus in a different way:

There is a misconception about introverts which believes we are anti-social. That is totally not the case. We can be very social. I don’t hide in the corner at parties nor do I spend every waking moment wishing I could be by myself. I need people like anyone else.

At the crux of being an introvert is the desire — the need — to be alone in order to rejuvenate. Some people can go to a party or a busy mall or an outing with a couple friends and feel completely refreshed and revitalized. For us introverts it is the opposite. Our downtime is sacred. We use the quiet, the stillness, the absence of interaction as a way to renew our bodies and minds. We need that time alone to become ourselves again.”

Being an extrovert requires a vastly different set of needs. On the opposite end of the spectrum, an extrovert becomes recharged when they are socializing and interacting with people.

This being said, just as an introvert needs downtime to get energy and focus for the day, an extrovert needs to be stimulated to get through the day smoothly.

This poses an obvious dilemma if you are an introverted parent, trying to raise a healthy extroverted child.

Geek Mom is a blog where the author is an introvert, with three children, two of which are introverted. This leaves one child with an extroverted personality that the whole family had to adjust to.

Geek Mom shared:

Parenting–even with all its joys and rewards–can also be unbelievably draining, most especially if you are an introvert with a child whose needs for interaction far exceed your own.

one of the first things to understand about the extroverted child is that he needs and craves interaction as much as you need and crave solitude.”

How do you know if your child is extroverted? Big signs would be that they are outgoing, prefer to be in groups, talk a lot, and being alone or isolated is very hard for them.

There are many characteristics of this social group, but these will give you a good idea that you have an extrovert on your hands.

Now, how do you provide for your child fully, and take care of yourself when your energy is derived from polar opposite needs.

Make compromises. Your little social butterfly may want to attend every birthday party, play date, and school function in a week, but attending one or two a week is plenty.

When you feel like your kids are in your bubble, it’s because they are. Children naturally are bad with boundaries, it is something they need to be taught.

Talk with your kids when you are needing a little time to regroup, and explain to them how to respect people’s personal time and space.

You can make an activities idea jar that they can pull from for ideas when you need a few moments alone.

However, it is healthy for all children to have unstructured time alone. During this free time of the day, kids learn invaluable skills that they will use the rest of their lives.

Even the most social of beings have to learn how to function in a healthy way when a companion is not available.

Aha!Parenting reported:

“It’s essential for children to have the experience of deciding for themselves how to use periods of unstructured time, or they’ll never learn to manage it. 

Maybe even more important, unstructured time gives children the opportunity to explore their inner and outer worlds, which is the beginning of creativity. This is how they learn to engage with themselves and the world, to imagine and invent and create.”

Also, let your child know that you don’t want alone time because something is wrong, it’s just a way for you to reboot your super mommy powers.

You are not selfish, and should not feel guilty for needing some unstimulated time to stay healthy and sane.

In the end, you and your child will benefit from the mutual understanding of your needs. And you never know, your child may have introverted offspring and they will know exactly how to handle it.

Please let us know in the comments section if you have experienced having a child with a different personality, and what you have found to be effective in complimenting one another.

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