Husbands Helping Around The House Is Not A Favor

Maintaining a family is no easy task. There is much to be done around the house to keep order.

There is a level of messy you can get away with, but the threshold is low. Too messy and chaotic leads society to stare, and wonder if you have your life together; or even worse, if your kids are taken care of.

And we all know we shouldn’t care what others think, but people have found ways to make your life less easy when they think it is worthy of meddling in.

Cleaning house, taking care of children, and keeping warm meals on the table works more efficiently when a team effort is enlisted.

In most cases, your spouse is working full time, so splitting housework and children responsibilities 50/50 may not be reasonable.

On the other hand, in many homes nowadays the wife works as well, creating an untraditional work/home delegation of duties.

In either case, both parties have shared responsibility in the operation and maintenance of the home and family.

Coming up with a plan and schedule that works for everyone is key. It is, also, important to communicate expectations of chores and child care, so that one spouse doesn’t grow resentful of the workload.

There are wives who have complained about their husbands not doing enough around the home, or with the children, but then don’t go about finding a solution beyond complaints.

The husbands do exist, however, that refuse to take part in home life duties despite continuous efforts to get them involved.

In these situations, it is best to be patient, and try new approaches to old problems. Try working together on a task at the same time, rather than delegating separate duties; all while listening to his favorite music or playing a sports match.

The Daily Mail reported on the success found in this approach:

Fathers who have a good relationship with their children and are happy to help out with household chores have happier marriages, a new study has revealed.

But the survey, conducted by researchers from the University of Missouri and Utah State University, also warned of the pitfalls of divvying up chores between husband and wife, finding that marriages were happier when couples worked together on each job.”

We all could have guessed that marriages are happier when both partners in the relationship work harmoniously to keep the home moving in a fluid manner.

A popular beginning to requesting your husband to help is by asking him to do you a “favor.”

Bethany Liston, writing for Scary Mommy, speaks on this method and why it is not the best interchange to have your husband help with home life.

Liston writes that it diminishes their value:

My husband is an adult. He is a fully functioning human. He should not be viewed as my helper or assistant or someone who needs to take direction from me to be useful. He is useful all on his own. If there is something I need him to do that he’s not noticing, I can say it.”

Give your husband a chance to pitch in his own way, as well. Mothers can become obsessive compulsive with housework or the way we like the children cared for.

Sometimes we just need to stand back and communicate what we would like to be done more around the house, and then let him fulfill the duty on his own terms.

Men and women are vastly different, one of those unique characteristics is how they interact with the kids, or what “clean” looks like; respecting your differences rather than trying to create another ‘you’ will give the children good balance.

Scary Mommy had more to say on why you don’t want to consider housework a favor to you:

It sets an example for our kids that I don’t mean to set. 

I want them to take personal pride in being a real partner. Working their fair share and, in turn, gleaning their fair share of pride and enjoyment.”

This is one of the most lasting points. It is valuable for children to see a functional, communicating, companionship.

One that looks at each member of the family as contributing members that work like a well-oiled machine to create a peaceful and efficient home.

All families have ripples of chaos, and every day is not going to present the same way, but working together to roll with life’s punches is the most one can ask.

Sometimes, mothers enjoy and accomplish most of the housework and children responsibilities with ease. In these cases, just knowing your husband is willing to help and grateful for all you do is enough; communicate about that too.

Please let us know in the comments section if you have a system of home responsibilities that has worked well for you that can help another family that is struggling to find balance.

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