7 Ways To Get People To Hear What You’re Saying

Do you ever feel like you talk and talk and no one actually is grasping what you are trying to convey?

It’s easy to resort to yelling, thinking that if your message was at a higher decibel then the other party will finally hear what you are saying.

Healthy communication is the key to having a voice in your relationships, and there is an easy way to hear and be heard.

Whether you are in a state of crisis right now or just need some communication tools on hand for those tough moments that are bound to happen, following these seven rules of discussion will surely help move your conversation forward. 

Talk In Person

In this digital age everyone wants to pick up their cell phone to get their message across. 

A text doesn’t let the person know the tone of your voice or your body language – which experts say accounts for a large portion of what you convey. 

Anytime you have an important topic to discuss, bring it up face-to-face. You will be surprised how much of an impact speaking in person can have. 

Don’t Forget To Use ‘I Statements’

Café Mom explains the famous relational sentence structure well:

It can be really tempting to blame our partner when we’re feeling hurt, attacked, or neglected. Instead of saying “You did this,” but try saying “I feel [this way] because [reasons] when [this action/inaction occurs].””

If your conversation begins with a pointed finger, you can rest assured the other party is already gearing up a defense instead of hearing what you have to say. 

Using “I statements” will allow the other person to process what you are feeling, and will likely have a more thought out and helpful response. 

Come Bearing Solutions

All problems start with a complaint, but shouldn’t be relayed until you have thought of at least two solutions to offer. 

If you want someone to hear you out, have them come to expect a productive conversation.

Ensure that all solutions are a compromise between both parties, if all your solutions only focus on your own needs, it’s only a matter of time before you are going to be right back where you started. 

Practice What You Preach

There is a communication technique called mirroring, where you show the other party that you truly hear what they are saying by repeating back to them the concern. 

For example, if your husband tells you, “I feel like you don’t want me to have any hobbies.” You can reply, “I hear you saying that you don’t feel supported by me concerning your interests.”

Mirroring sets the stage for you to be heard when you have an issue arise as well, showing that you can actively listen and relay your own feelings in a healthy way. 

Don’t Minimize Their Concerns

Feeling validated is important in a relationship, and it is often all that needs to be done to feel heard. 

There are limits to how far you should go to validate someone. For instance, you wouldn’t validate someone’s desire to spend their rent money on Star Wars figurines, but all within reason. 

Let the person you are communicating with know that you feel your concerns aren’t validated and ask if you can start there. 

Reminding them that validation doesn’t mean you have to agree with it all, just that you understand they have feelings and they are entitled to them. 

Empathize

Empathy goes a long way. It is the process of putting yourself in someone else’s shoes.

Speaking from our own perspective may whiz right by someone who can’t relate. Relay your concern in a way the other party can empathize with. 

Speaking in relatable terms allows the other party to put their guard down so they can really process what needs to be heard. 

Be Kind But Assertive 

So many times people who aren’t being heard fall into two categories, the meek who are getting ignored or the ineffective communicator who shouts every feeling that comes to them. 

Both of these techniques will not help get your point across. 

Speak your issue in an appropriate place, and at an appropriate time, with a clear and concise voice. 

If you are being walked on after you express your concern, then you say respectfully in a clear voice once again, “I have an issue we need to discuss and I will not be ignored. My thoughts and feelings are important and I would appreciate your respect by hearing me out.”

Communication tools can really go a long way in a relationship, but even the best communication doesn’t guarantee the other person will listen.

Sometimes patience is necessary. And if patience has been tried, seek counseling.

Don’t give-up on finding your voice, and getting others to hear what you want to say. 

Speaking to one another is the cornerstone of relationships, and we all need them to be psychologically healthy.

Try these tips and be heard today!

Please let us know in the comments section if you have a communication tool that allows you to convey your point effectively, or if you think you are not being heard. 

  

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