There are plenty of parenting styles out there, each one uniquely determined by our personalities and family dynamics.
The experts and the media like to coin phrases about parenting trends, and they’re not always complimentary.
The latest parenting trend, however, is coming under fire for its effect on children – and has gotten a few famous moms in hot water.
The media has had a field day reporting on a recent college admissions scandal involving celebrities and wealthy professionals who have risked everything so that their children could succeed.
But they’ve jeopardized everything they’ve worked for, as well as their children’s future, in doing so.
This parenting trend may not be new, but its name is – “snowplow” parenting.
Like the wealthy parents who were recently caught bribing college officials to guarantee their children’s admission, snowplow parents will do nearly anything to ensure that any obstacles are removed in attaining “perfection” for their kids.
Yes, this sounds similar to some other trendy parenting styles that Mommy Underground has reported on – the helicopter or lawnmower parent, to name a few.
But those styles seem to be associated with anxiety and fear on the part of parents – hovering and removing any dangers to keep them safe and prevent any kind of pain or discomfort.
Snowplow parenting, however, is more aggressive.
These parents will stop at literally nothing to give their child the best of everything – even if it’s not what the child wants.
They cannot accept anything other than the best for their child, or from their child.
There is a sense of entitlement on the part of snowplow parents, and sadly, that sense of entitlement is easily adopted by their children as they grow.
These parents will blame and threaten anyone who does not tell them what they want to hear in terms of their child’s success and future. This may mean micro-managing their schedules, their schooling, even their diet, and appearance.
Snowplow parents are the ones who will argue with teachers or coaches if their child is not given top-billing in all their activities.
They want their child to win – but the need is often for themselves.
The drawbacks to this type of parenting style may be obvious – entitled kids who cannot accept disappointment, who become arrogant and condescending as they get older, and who feel the rules don’t apply to them.
But apart from these negative character traits, the real danger lies in the fact that the children of snowplow parents will never really learn to respect hard work and may never be truly independent.
We probably all have a little bit of snowplow parenting in us.
As Mommy Underground previously reported, this generation of parents faces new challenges – and can have a hard time letting kids figure things out the hard way. But most of us don’t take it anywhere near the extent of, say, the celebrity parents involved in the college cheating scandal.
The New York Times recently reported on some tips to prevent this type of parenting style from taking hold, as it seems to be a symptom of a culture of entitlement taking hold in our youth.
First, “empathize, don’t advise.” At an early age, brainstorm with your child about problem-solving instead of taking control over the situation. Ask them what they would like to do to achieve a certain goal or find a solution to a problem, and then work on it together.
“This is the core of resilience: the ability to generate options in the face of a stressful challenge, anticipate consequences before we face them, and make the most practical, efficient choice,” according to the Times.
Build confidence and independence by encouraging a child’s approach to problem-solving and teach them not to give up when they encounter disappointment.
Help your child in an age-appropriate manner.
Helping a two-year-old pour their juice is entirely different than waiting on a teenager who beckons you from the sofa. Snowplow parenting often begins as overly controlling a small child’s environment – until it backfires and they come to expect it at all times as they get older.
Encourage your child to avoid becoming overwhelmed by taking small steps and trying their own ideas to take on tasks, rather than taking over for them when they become frustrated.
Help them to “cultivate judgment” by working on decision-making early on, giving them more accountability as they get older.
Encourage them to do their best without expecting perfection.
A good example is a parent giving praise for a child’s ideas on a project or their work on a household task, even if it didn’t turn out the way we would like. Instead, a snowplow parent will redo a child’s homework assignment the way they think it should be done so the child gets a better grade instead of allowing them to see the results of their own work.
“When they want help, ask yourself: Are they capable of figuring this out on their own? Will my help support learning and growth? What lessons might struggling teach? Can I identify one small step they can take on their own that will be stressful but not overwhelming?” reports the New York Times.
While every parent wants their child to succeed, there is a difference between expecting them to try their best and taking over so they’ll be the best.
Every child must learn that disappointment and failure are a part of life – and these struggles build character and self-esteem when kids are able to learn the value in making their own way.
In the end, when parents “plow” over every obstacle that they fear will cause their child harm or disappointment, they are really the ones causing harm to the child.
The greatest leaders are those who make mistakes, experience failures, and never give up on their goals.
It is up to us to encourage, support, and love them – but allow them to fall and get up, and grow to be their own person… one they can be proud of.
What do you think of the parenting style referred to as “snowplow” parenting? Leave us your comments.