How many times do we lay awake at night, beating ourselves up for not handling a toddler meltdown with grace and ease?
Guilt can lay heavy on a mother’s heart, leaving one feeling inadequate and low.
Lifting the weight of guilt off your shoulders can give you an empowered sense of motherhood, and accomplishing this is easier than you may have thought.
Mothers have so many roles, each one with its unique set of responsibilities and expectations.
Having to perform exceptionally at all of them can be overwhelming, and all moms feel this pressure.
You are not alone!
So, how do we do kick the guilt to the curb, and start the next day full of hope and strength?
- Forgive Yourself
Kids are quick to forgive and forget- that’s why they can fight over the same toy twenty times a day and go to bed best friends.
Letting go of the poor choices we have made is definitely easier said than done, but it’s possible.
Start by apologizing for whatever you are feeling guilty about if it’s called for; like if you yelled at your son when he was only asking for lunch because you were stressed about a phone call you were on.
Then you must let go of all the negative beliefs you have created that are underlying the guilt.
Psychology Today reports:
“If we try to forgive ourselves for something without releasing the underlying emotion or belief we’ve attached to it, the forgiveness just doesn’t take.”
For example, if you tell yourself that you are “always saying the wrong things”, then it won’t matter if you forgive one particular incident because you will feel guilty the next time you make a mistake.
And everyone makes mistakes!
You have to not only forgive the one transgression you are feeling guilty about but forgive yourself for not being perfect.
Tell yourself that you may sometimes say the wrong things, but that you say so many more right things.
- Take Responsibilities For Your Actions
Being sorry for whatever is causing the guilt isn’t sincere if it is not followed by a genuine attempt at correcting your actions.
We see this in our children all the time. “Susan, tell John you are sorry for hitting him!” Susan sheepishly replies, “Sorry John.” Two minutes later, “Mom! Susan hit me again.”
Taking responsibility for what we do urges us to make the necessary changes to better ourselves.
“However, if we are good at taking responsibility, making amends, and changing behavior but we do not practice self-forgiveness, then we may spiral into shame,” Lemon Lime Adventures warns us.
Showing our children that we can own up to our mistakes is a life lesson that will benefit them through every phase of life.
- Love Yourself
Some mom guilt is misplaced. Not every poor experience in a day was a result of something you have done.
This may not come as a surprise to you, but children often do things just to see what will happen.
Focusing on all the less than optimal choices we have made in child-rearing can become second nature.
There are so many reasons to be proud of yourself!
Think about all the times you bought the kids a new toy rather than a much-needed pair of tennis shoes, or when you sat with a scared child at night when you were so tired you could barely keep your eyes open.
I’m sure this is only a small portion of all the selfless acts you do on a daily basis out of unconditional love for your children.
Lemon Lime Adventures put it perfectly:
“Accepting ourselves in spite of our mistakes is an admittance that, even with our flaws, imperfections, and wrongdoings, we are still worthy of love.”
Don’t let guilt eat away at you psychologically and physically. Begin taking the necessary steps to go to sleep feeling you have had a good day where you tried your best.
All moms make some choices they wish they could have changed- yelled a little too much, didn’t play that new game with kids, or looked at their phone a little too long- but the truly exceptional moms don’t feel guilty about it, they just make their next move count.
Please let us know in the comments section if you are guilty of feeling guilty, and how you work on letting it go.