What to Say to Your Child When They Don’t Get Invited to The Birthday Party

Rejection is never fun and is often painful – but for children it can feel like the end of the world.

Feeling left out is always hard for kids, especially when they don’t get invited to the party everyone else is going to.

So, when your child suffers this traumatic blow, instead of letting it crush their self-esteem, you can help them to process these emotions and teach them how to bounce back.

In fact, helping your child process rejection in a healthy way at a young age will set them up for success later in life.

If your child doesn’t get the invite to the party, here are three things you can do to help soothe the pain.

  1. Listen to Them:

Let them talk about how they feel and listen without trying to “fix the problem.”

By teaching your child how to verbalize what they are feeling, you are showing them it is okay to feel emotions that don’t always feel so nice (like disappointment, sadness, or rejection).

But with that said, after they are done expressing their feelings you can help them process and get through to the other side.

By showing empathy with them and acknowledging their pain, they’ll learn to trust you are a safe person to share their struggles with.

The last thing you want is a silent child who is hurting but unable to communicate.

Even letting them know you understand their pain goes a long way – sometimes children just want to feel validated and know that someone cares.

  1. Reassure Them They Are Loved:

Rejection is a core wound that can trigger a child into feeling they are somehow unworthy.

You can use this opportunity to tell your child how valuable and loved they are and explain sometimes that people do things and we don’t always know why.

Emphasize to your child there is nothing wrong with them as often children will take the rejection personally.

Remind your child of all the fun things they’ve had the chance to do in the past and encourage them.

One mom shared how she handled a situation when her son was rejected.

Scary Mommy reported:

“I put my hands on his shoulders and told him how much I love him, and then I sat down and explained a few things about how groups of friends work. Sometimes friends do boneheaded things. Sometimes friends make mistakes. And sometimes, they do hurtful things like leave you out. We talked about how important it is to not throw a friendship away over something like this, that a party is not what defines a person. We made a plan to set p a fun playdate and just keep moving forward with life and let this setback be just that—a setback and a learning experience

I gave my kid the best pep talk that I could summon, and by the end, he agreed that a true friend would forgive. He could be the bigger person here, and we would have fun on our own that day.”

  1. Plan Something Fun the Day Of:

On the day of the event they aren’t invited to, plan something fun with your child.

They’re bound to be thinking about the event and wonder what everyone is doing and how it is going, so by planning your own fun event they’ll be so busy having fun they won’t have time to be sad!

Consider what their favorite activity is – it could be something like an amusement park, trip to the pool, or even something simple like taking them to see a movie (complete with popcorn and candy – you can have a “cheat day” when it comes to clean eating).

It might not completely take the sting away, but at least your child won’t be left home sulking in their room obsessing about the party they are missing.

Being rejected is painful, but by reminding your child of their intrinsic value, you can help them to get past this setback.

And teaching your child how to regulate their emotions when bad things happen, by acknowledging the feeling but not getting stuck is an invaluable tool that will help them to succeed in life.

It’s hard to watch our little ones struggle and not feel mad ourselves and want to do something like call the other mom up and give her a piece of our mind – but by helping your child process the rejection in a healthy way – and remaining calm yourself – you are leading by example.

Has your child ever been rejected or left out of an event?

How did you help your child get over not being invited to the party?

Tell us your thoughts in the comments below.

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