Ah, the joys of pregnancy.
It really is a beautiful time, full of hope and expectation, and many moms enjoy a little extra attention and pampering as they prepare to welcome their baby into the world.
But sometimes, pregnant moms get a different type of attention – and it’s not always welcome.
Whether during pregnancy, the early days of being a new mom, or even all through our parenting journey, we’ve all been subjected to the advice of others.
Some of it really is appreciated. Sometimes we even ask for it from those who are more experienced.
But there are always those people who want to give us their insight into how they think we should be doing things differently.
This unsolicited parenting advice is often harmless, but it can be downright annoying, as it was when a pregnant mom in the UK went for a special treat – a cup of coffee.
British comedian Tiffany Stevenson was standing in line at her local Starbucks and noticed a pregnant mom in front of her having a bit of an issue with her order.
Stevenson was a bit shocked by the nature of the conversation she was hearing between the mom and the Starbuck’s barista.
It seems that when he discovered that the pregnant woman had ordered a sweet and frothy cup of coffee with caffeine, he demanded she hand it back to him.
As if that wasn’t absurd enough, Stevenson said the barista spent around five minutes arguing with the mom that caffeine was “bad for the baby,” even after she asked him to stop his unsolicited advice.
It could at this point almost be construed as harassment.
Stevenson coined the new phrase “womb bothering” when she posted about it on Twitter, but it really is a much older problem.
In response to Stevenson’s post, dozens of other women shared their stories of complete strangers telling them what they should eat, wear, and do while they were pregnant.
And in these days of mom shaming, it looks like there’s now a new form of it being recognized.
Stevenson says that her shock had nothing to do with the fact that the barista was a man. It was simply unbelievable to her that anyone would be so aggressive in their “advice” to a pregnant mom.
We’re all careful about what we take into our bodies during pregnancy, but doctors also say that caffeine in moderation is not harmful to the baby.
In fact, the standard recommendation of medical professionals is that pregnant women should limit caffeine intake to less than 200 milligrams per day. The caramel macchiato that this mom ordered fell well-under that threshold and was likely not a daily habit.
With all the fatigue, aches, and pains that come along with being pregnant, it’s a shame this poor woman couldn’t enjoy what was probably a rare treat.
Stevenson’s tweet has even gotten the attention of Starbucks representatives, with a spokesperson saying that they are making it a priority to investigate the encounter.
“We’re concerned to hear about this experience, which isn’t reflective of the service we aim to provide our customers,” said a spokesman, according to Café Mom.
It isn’t just the fact that no one should be making a scene over something as minor as a cup of coffee. It goes much deeper than that.
It’s probably fair to say the incident made the woman very uncomfortable, self-conscious, and embarrassed – all negative emotions that no woman should have to endure at the hands of a complete stranger.
Mommy Underground has reported on the mom shaming phenomenon before – from women being scorned for breastfeeding in public, to one absurd incident in which a woman was told she was “too old” to breastfeed.
It seems the mere presence of a pregnant woman makes complete strangers feel they have to make a comment. So, what exactly is the best way to handle it?
We may have to weigh the pros and cons of expressing our frustration with close friends and family members who want to give us their two cents, but when a complete stranger makes us feel bad about ourselves, it may be the right time to step up and (appropriately) address the situation.
The experts from WebMD say that the easiest thing to do is just say, “Thanks for your concern,” and then be on your way.
If you’re receiving a barrage of unsolicited (aka “pushy”) advice from someone you respect and love, say, your mom or mother-in-law, express your thanks for their sharing their experience, but don’t feel pressured to change what you feel is best for your baby.
This is especially important if someone insists you do it their way when “their way” may be outdated – and dangerous – for baby’s health or safety.
The bottom line is, never, ever feel like you have to do what someone else is suggesting if you are not comfortable with it – or worse – when you know it is not the right thing for you.
As was the case with the Starbucks barista, most companies would not condone their employees bothering a customer – let alone telling them what they should and shouldn’t purchase.
So, if you feel that a stranger is being overbearing with advice when you are shopping or dining out, report it to the manager.
This may save the next mom from having to deal with a frustrating situation.
Have you ever experienced an incident of “womb bothering?” How did you handle it? Leave us your comments.