Don’t Be a Lonely Mom, Build Your Own Squad

As a mom, you do it all.  From managing the household, to taking care of your kids, sometimes it’s a wonder you have any time left to eat or sleep.

And since you are so focused on your family, it can be difficult to maintain friendships, or make new friends. After all, when would you possibly find the time?

But rest assured, busy mama! Having a family doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your friendships.

In fact, because you are a mother, you actually have the rare ability to form solid relationships with other moms and develop a tight bond you wouldn’t normally experience.

Parents reported on the importance of female friendships:

“Friendship is key to all women, especially once you become a mom,” explains Nora de Hoyos Comstock, Ph.D., an American of Mexican heritage and the founder of Las Comadres Para las Americas, a social networking group for Latinas. “While you’re raising a family, you need friends you can talk to and count on and who’ll also tell you when you’re going in the wrong direction,” says Dr. Comstock, who wrote Count on Me: Tales of Sisterhoods and Fierce Friendships.

It can be tough to find mom friends you connect with and who understand you, especially when there’s less time and energy to devote to them. But, as Bricia Lopez, a restaurateur in L.A., has found, it can be done. Over the years, she’s amassed a tight-knit group of amigas.”

But while all that sounds nice, you may wonder where to start.

First, take advantage of your current surroundings.

You can start meeting new friends by talking to other moms at activities your children are already involved in. Right there, you have common ground.

While you may not get along with every mom, you just might find one or two you click with.

You can even plan play activities for your children, which will keep them busy, and give you a chance to hang out!

Second, one of the best ways to meet new people is to be authentic.

Supermoms don’t exist. Life happens and you will have struggles.

By pretending you have it all together and you don’t need a support system, you are only hurting yourself.

You do need friends for support and advice, and that’s okay!

Parents reported more on why it’s important for moms to be vulnerable:

“Sometimes what our friends need to hear about most isn’t our successes but our struggles. After her first daughter was born, Paulina fell into postpartum depression. Therapy helped, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell her parents she was seeing a therapist. “In their generation, therapy isn’t accepted,” Paulina says. “You go only if you’re crazy.” Needing to talk about it with someone, she confided in Betsy, who opened up about her own struggle with depression—and success with therapy. And when Paulina also told Patty how insecure she felt as a mom, Patty confessed, “I’m scared every single day.”

Those candid talks “made me feel normal,” Paulina says. “When they opened up to me, I thought, ‘Okay, I can do this.’ ”

By being authentic and real with other moms, you can develop a bond as you help each other through parenting struggles.

And finally, remember to keep your current friendships alive!

I know you are busy, but you don’t always have to meet face to face.  Sure, it’s nice to grab coffee or lunch and catch up on life, but as a mom you may not always have that chance.

However, you can still nourish your friendship by communicating in other ways. Try a conversation over skype, a simple email, or even a text message to say hello.

You can still share stories and get support in other mediums. While nothing beats face-to-face communication, you can still keep your friendship strong until you find the time to meet.

Have you lost touch with an old friend? Pick up the phone and call her!

You can start to rebuild your squad, by taking the time to nourish your friendships.

And remember, it’s important to have quality friends, vs. trying to keep in touch with everyone.

As a mother, your priorities have changed. You don’t have the time (and most likely lack the desire) to go out every weekend on the town.

But that’s okay!

Enjoy new hobbies with your squad, even if it’s a simple playdate with your children.

As a busy mom, what are some ways you keep in touch with old friends?

Have you found it difficult to “build your squad”? And if so, what is the greatest challenge you face in keeping your friendships strong.

Tell us thoughts in the comments section below.

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