Ending The Blame Game — What Every Parent Needs To Know

Being a parent is perhaps more difficult in today’s society than it has ever been.

There is so much conflict in the world — so many more temptations and dangers it seems – and so much more pressure to be “perfect.”

Because of changes in our society and a culture that deflects blame, parents are in a tough spot.

No matter how loving, supportive, or consistent we are as parents, our children are going to make mistakes.  They are going to disobey our rules once in a while.  They may even end up in big trouble in school – or even with the law.

And if and when this happens, blame often shifts from the child to the parents.

And not only does society seem to blame parents for children’s undesirable behavior, but we as parents are likely willingly accepting all of this blame, and the guilt that goes with it.

After all, we were once entirely responsible for every decision related to the health, safety, and discipline of our little ones.

So if they encounter difficulties making good decisions or exhibiting poor behavior when they get older, it must be our fault, right?

Empowering Parents reported:

In society today, there’s been a growing trend of blaming parents for a child’s behavior. Whenever there’s a tragedy or a child behaves in a way that’s dangerous, harmful, irresponsible or “wrong,” people always ask, “Where were his parents?!”

Parents, particularly those with kids who are struggling with poor behavior choices, have taken this to heart, internalizing and often blaming themselves. The child gets the message that he’s not responsible for his own behavior and choices—his parents are.

It is true that more children now have two working parents, or that more children are growing up in single-parent homes, than ever before.

And because of this, parents are busier.  There are more responsibilities and less quality time at home.  That is the reality of our society today.

But however much we may blame ourselves when ­­­our kids are acting or behaving in a way we disapprove of, there are many factors at play.  And more often than not, it has nothing to do with how we’re raising them.

In fact, human beings are designed by God to be given guidance by their parents with the end goal of developing independence and going off to start a life of their own.

Older kids and teens are supposed to test boundaries, take risks, and distance themselves from their parents in the quest for this independence through self-discovery.

When these natural behaviors get out of hand, however, like causing trouble in school, becoming violent, or experimenting with drugs or alcohol, there are obvious things parents should do.

But one of them is not to blame ourselves or feel like a failure as a parent.

As parents, we – and the society in which we live – must accept that things get difficult sometimes.  Even children with the most supportive and loving parents go astray sometimes.

It is our job as parents to model appropriate behavior, have open and honest conversations with our kids, and set clear boundaries about what we expect of them.

But in the end, our older children and teens must take on responsibility for their actions.  They must be accountable to themselves.  This is what creates true maturity and independence.

Empowering Parents continued:

[A]ccountability can start at home. Shame is a “Parenting Paralyzer”: it renders us ineffective when it comes to responding to our child. This can lead to us avoid holding our child accountable – we make excuses for him and rationalize his behavior… Understand that this is not helpful to our children or to us.

We all know the old saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.”  It may be difficult in today’s world to trust anyone to help us mentor or monitor our kids, and thus, it is all on our shoulders.

Our schools are becoming indoctrination centers for leftist propaganda.  Our media portrays traditional values as a “disease” that should be eradicated.  We are bombarded by communications day-in and day-out on social media with people who edit their parenting experiences to look perfect.

But if we were to take things in a different direction and collectively support parents everywhere, empathize with their struggles, and put ourselves in their place – without judgment – it could make a world of difference.

We never want to be “that mom” whose kid is always in trouble in school or gets less-than-stellar grades.  Later, we don’t want to be “that mom” whose kid can’t hold down a job or seem to find their way.

Just like some people cast judgmental glances at us when our toddler is having a tantrum in the grocery store, others have the power to make us feel ashamed about our failures as parents.

The Natural Child Project stated:

So it is with parent guilt. Parents everywhere agonize in secret: “Where did I go wrong? Will my child be damaged because of what I did, or because of what I failed to do?” To make matters worse, these days there is so much more information out there about what babies and children need; we have doubled the fodder for self-recrimination.

The result: most of us tend to live in an illusory world where parents all around us look as if they are coping so much better than we are, and we are alone with our quirks, pitfalls, ill-temperedness and embarrassing lapses in attentiveness.

We may not be able to count on support from the left-wing media or those who have learned to place blame on others because they never learned to be held accountable themselves.

But we must be able to count on each other as parents – to empathize, support the family unit, and have compassion for parents who are struggling with circumstances out of their control.

Humans are imperfect beings.  Many of us were raised in generations where providing food, clothing, and shelter alone was enough to make a successful parent.

Now, the pressure — and mountains of advice and intolerance in the world — has made us doubt ourselves.  It is time to rein in the guilt and be proud of ourselves for doing the best we can.  And to recognize other parents are doing the best they can, as well.

What do you think of the culture of blame and parenting guilt so prevalent in our society today?  Do you think today’s kids are lacking accountability for their behavior?  Leave us your thoughts.

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*