Everyone wants to be loved and accepted. It is often a key force that drives many of our actions. The means by which we seek to attain that status, however, depends on the person.
Self-esteem is the big phrase we hear in society. We are told to strive for it, to instill it in our children, and to fight off all adversaries of it.
The truth is, there is a deeper fundamental cry amidst the self-esteem struggle. Although self-esteem is important, it is a by-product of self-worth.
Both will be discussed, as they operate harmoniously with one another. Core self-worth, the knowledge, and acceptance that you are worthy of love and respect, is the true societal dilemma.
Being a mother is often as psychologically draining, as it is rewarding. You get to literally see the fruits of your labor, but children lack the ability to validate you when you are having a bad day.
The constant giving, with little room for self-reflection and admiration for a day’s job well done, can wreak havoc on your self-esteem and self-worth.
I would like to start with you are valued and loved, designed with purpose. Hopefully, this article will give you the insight to recognize the amazing potential, strength, and innate sanctity you possess.
Oftentimes, we don’t even realize that we are seeking self-esteem and self-worth, but if we took the time to review a few of our recent experiences we may see a subliminal theme emerging.
Did you go shopping and pick out a shirt that you contemplated would look good on you or not? Or, did you try to get into the sports match with your husband to see that grin of approval?
Dr. Christina Hibbert, a psychologist, and self-help guru, writes:
“It seems we’re almost all searching for that true sense of who we are, that confidence that we are enough.”
Self-esteem affects all of our relationships. When it is high, we are not dependent on the relationship for satisfaction and can navigate them with ease.
When it is low, we dive into every nook and cranny of the relationship to find meaning and hidden messages.
Nathaniel Branden writes in his book “Six Pillars of Self-Esteem”:
“The level of our self-esteem has profound consequences for every aspect of our existence: how we operate in the workplace, how we deal with people, how high we are likely to rise, how much we are likely to achieve—and in the personal realm, with whom we are likely to fall in love, how we interact with our spouse, children, and friends, what level of personal happiness we attain.”
This has a profound impact on our family life. Our children are keen to picking up how we view ourselves and can follow suit to view themselves with the same lens.
To be good role models for our children, instilling core self-worth within ourselves and in them is vital.
Being able to convey the definition of self-esteem is important in relaying its role in our lives to our children. Nathaniel Branden explained it well:
“the experience that we are appropriate to life and to the requirements of life. More specifically, self-esteem is: 1. Confidence in our ability to think…[and] cope with the basic challenges of life, and 2. Confidence in our right to be successful and happy, the feeling of being worth, deserving, entitled to assert our needs and wants, achieve our values, and enjoy the fruits of our efforts.”
Many of our struggles usually correlate in some way to low self-esteem.
According to PositivePsycholoy.org, you are prone to “aggression, poor school achievement, depression, eating disorders, drug and alcohol abuse, teenage pregnancy and marital dysfunction” when your self-esteem is bottoming out.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, if you are excelling in self-esteem it is correlated with “rationality, realism, intuitiveness, creativity, independence, flexibility, ability to manage change, willingness to admit and correct mistakes, benevolence, and cooperativeness”, according to Dr. Hibbert.
Self-esteem, as we see through the examples given in its implications in our life, is changing. It is demonstrated through our actions and shaped by our experiences.
Thus, self-esteem is obtained through healthy perception and mindful actions but is ultimately dependent on our core self-worth.
Self-worth is immutable and attained through recognition and acceptance of your innate sanctity of life; your value as a purposefully created human.
Brene Brown, research professor at the University of Houston and Ted Talk guest speaker, said:
“If we want to fully experience love and belonging, we must believe we are worthy of love and belonging.” Yet “our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
Give yourself some positive affirmation today. Remind yourself that you have value, and pick an action to reflect that belief.
You may not believe it at first if your self-esteem is low, but as you continue to lift yourself up through thoughts, words, and actions, the truth will become your reality.
Use note cards if it’s hard to remember to do daily, and stick them around your house and car. Speak the uplifting sentiments to your children that you yearn to hear yourself.
Today is a good day to love and be loved. Please let us know in the comments section if you have any tools for building self-esteem, or if you struggle with self-worth.