Parenting in the modern age is a tough business.
These days, most families have two parents who work outside the home, and it is difficult for anyone to balance work and children.
For some, work is both a necessity and a duty – and you won’t believe the group of moms who are being shamed online.
In the last generation or two, women have entered the workforce at a rate never seen before in America.
The costs of raising children, buying a home, and providing for all the needs of the family are also skyrocketing.
For families who cannot afford to have mom stay at home with the kids, it is a constant battle of inner guilt – wanting to be there for every precious moment, but also knowing their dedication and passion for their careers make a real difference in the world.
And for moms who make the ultimate sacrifice by joining the military, there appears to be a new round of mom-shaming going on.
Military moms are not given special privileges for being mothers. They must serve their time, deploy overseas, and travel for extended periods of time away from their children just like military dads.
But instead of the praise that is heaped upon our male servicemembers, military moms face harsh criticism and a lack of understanding from other moms outside the service.
Most of us are likely used to seeing heartwarming posts on social media about servicemen coming home to their families. Their wives and kids run into their arms and thousands of positive comments pour in about the family’s sacrifice.
But not so when these same homecoming photos are posted online of moms returning to their children.
Today reported on some actual comments posted in response to a photo of a mom returning from deployment to see her kids for the first time in almost a year.
“Shame on her for leaving her child.”
“This was a beautiful moment for a little boy at school but I could never understand why women leave their children to join the military. Young children need their mothers at home with them.”
“She should put her kids above anything else. If she wanted to be a hero, she shouldn’t have had kids.”
And perhaps the worst, “SELFISH to choose this career and kids.”
No military father would ever face such scrutiny or negativity for being deployed. Our military dads are viewed as the heroes they are for sacrificing time with their family to serve and protect.
So why the double-standard?
Well, for generations, mothers stayed home and took care of the kids while fathers worked outside the home.
When women began to enter the workforce, they were judged for daring to pursue their career goals or personal dreams because they were perceived as not putting their children first.
Decades later, we are still experiencing the aftermath of generations of tradition and society-at-large still views women as the primary caregivers of the children.
We are supposed to excel at our jobs, take care of our husbands and homes, and still be the “perfect” mom who has it all together.
Imagine, then, the judgment military moms face – especially from other moms. Even from other working moms who should understand the struggle.
Why? Because they have chosen a career that sometimes involves long absences from home, and non-military moms cannot understand.
Military parents say they receive far more support from within their own community, especially if they live on a military base and their children attend a base school.
There, every family understands the sacrifice and works together to offer encouragement and support when one parent is deployed.
For those outside of the military who say they can’t believe a woman would leave her kids on a deployment, there are several things they don’t understand.
Many women join the military right out of high school and their future children aren’t even on their radar yet. They work hard for years in their field of study, and they sign on for a certain term of service.
When they do become moms, they still must fulfill their duty until their service is up – including deployments that are out of their control.
Many of these moms also decided to serve in the military to give their kids a better life – housing, insurance, job stability – all the things that they may not otherwise be able to provide their kids.
Instead of judging and shaming these moms, we should all praise their strength and courage.
None of us can imagine being separated from our children for a long period of time, but these military moms do their duty – just like their male counterparts.
They do their best to balance work and home just like the rest of us.
Women are serving on active duty now more than ever, according to the Department of Defense.
Of active duty members, nearly 50 percent are parents. Whether mom or dad, the pain of leaving the kids behind is impossible to understand except for other military families.
It’s time for the double-standard to end.
Military moms and dads are making the ultimate sacrifice – time away from their loved ones, knowing they will miss many moments that can’t be replaced. First steps, first days of school, plays, recitals, proms.
We at Mommy Underground praise and celebrate all moms. We understand that every family is different and every mom deserves encouragement, support, and respect.
For all the military moms out there, we are here for you. We appreciate your sacrifice and your service to this great nation.
Do you know a military mom who has experienced “mom-shaming” for being away from her kids for an extended period of time? Leave us your comments.