Confidence is something every person craves but is harder to fully achieve than first in the Boston Marathon.
The strength and peace that comes from confidence in your innate self makes everything in life manageable – especially parenting.
You may be happy to know that you don’t have to spend a week in a sweat lodge or spend your life’s savings on therapy to get it! You just have to do this one thing.
To have confidence in yourself as a person many experts believe you need to first improve your self-esteem, or take “an evaluation of worthiness,” as Kristin Neff, PhD, an associate professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, put it to Women’s Health.
However, new research with promising application says otherwise.
Self-esteem is often associated with “external validation, like compliments at work or likes on an IG post, so it’s fragile,” says Christopher Gerber, PhD, a lecturer in psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, reports Women’s Health.
Many of us will use feelings of low self-esteem to drive ourselves to reach a goal.
For example, telling yourself you’re fat might get you to sign up for that gym membership, but in the long-run you are going to avoid the gym to avoid the negative self-talk you associated with getting into shape.
What if you could get the motivation to sign up for the gym and the confidence to swing some iron around next to the guys who look like they could lift your car with their bare hands?
And here’s the kicker! You never have to say anything negative to yourself or get any external validation for your efforts (although, that doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy a compliment here and there).
The secret ingredient in the confidence that propels you through life is self-compassion.
According to Positive Psychology:
“Having self-compassion means being able to relate to yourself in a way that’s forgiving, accepting, and loving when situations might be less than optimal.”
Sure, we are going to have those mornings where we yell at our kids for not getting their shoes on fast enough shoes and may skip the gym to shop for a new workout outfit while the kids are at home with dad, but we are only human.
Women’s Health reports:
“By caring and expressing concern for yourself during hard times, you’re able to persevere and create changes.”
Self-compassion is the kind of motivation that “leads to more self-confidence,” Neff says.
A misconception for those of you who are high-achievers is that self-compassion is a weak trait.
This couldn’t be further from the truth!
While being tender with yourself is a softer trait, the tougher side of self-compassion is caring about yourself enough to change any harmful or detrimental behaviors.
This builds confidence that you are up to that task.
Practice self-compassion by positive self-talk, uncovering your needs and then finding ways to meet them, and release any negative feelings you have toward yourself that have been causing tension in your body.
Confidence isn’t obtained overnight but through a process of self-compassion you will be soaring to new heights in no time.