Most of us have all been there – even though we do our best to keep our cool – sometimes there are those moments where we just can’t hide the fact we’re upset – and it gets even worse when our frustration turns to anger.
Maybe your child decided to color on the wall or spilled grape juice all over your new couch. Or you asked your children 5 times to put away their toys – and they acted like you were invisible.
Having children can be challenging — but before you lose your temper – it’s imperative you know that getting angry at your child in the wrong way can end up doing permanent damage.
Each child is wired differently and so there is not a one-size-fits-all approach to parenting.
A harsh word or slip of the tongue can end up crushing your child – especially if they are sensitive.
But let’s be honest – we are not perfect moms and there are times when our own life and stress – coupled with the countless things we are managing at home cause us to lose it.
The good news is – you can learn some techniques on how to manage your anger – before it damages your children.
Remember — They’re Watching You
How do you respond to anger in your own life?
If you are a rageaholic – screaming at cars for cutting in front of you, cursing at the telemarketers who call, and rude to service employees – you are teaching your child it is “ok” to take out one’s anger on others.
They’ll soon model your example and find it acceptable to scream at their friend who makes them upset – and might even scream at you or their siblings.
Instead, if you find yourself getting heated – take your own timeout!
Take a few deep breaths, maybe even step out of the room if you need to.
If your children see you remaining emotionally cool in heated situations – they can learn to regulate their own emotions.
And when your child does become angry because they lost a game or they’re unable to do something they want, acknowledge how they feel, and help them process through their emotions.
The goal is not to pretend anger doesn’t exist, but it’s to teach your child how to help deal with it in a healthy way.
Explain The Why Behind The What
Some of us didn’t grow up in a healthy home environment.
Perhaps your father was a rageaholic and when you asked questions you would get the classic “BECAUSE I SAID SO” as a response.
But ruling with an iron fist and through fear and control can cause confusion in children and they might not even understand why they are being disciplined.
Instead, you can take the time to show respect to your child and use it as a teaching moment.
Let’s say your older child constantly forgets to put away his toys – and his toys have many small pieces which can be dangerous to your younger child. Instead of screaming at him in a fit, you could say something like: “ It is really important you put away your toys in this cabinet when you are done playing with them – the tiny pieces are dangerous to your little brother and he could get very hurt if he were to swallow them. I’m going to need you to remember to put them away when you’re done, if not you won’t be able to play with them.”
Then – follow through.
And the best part of all – you can break the generational dysfunction you grew up in – and teach your children there’s a better way.
One mom confessed her anxiety caused her to rage, even leading her to tears afterward.
Scary Mommy reported:
“I’ve cried afterwards, because I know I don’t want to treat my children that way. I always swore I would never treat my children that way. But for those of us who suffer from anxiety, it’s much easier to slip into the parenting patterns we learned as children. I learned yelling. I learned rage. I learned that it’s acceptable to belittle a 5-year-old for knocking over a glass of milk. So when my anxiety ramped up, that fear came out as pure, unadulterated rage.”
Let the cycle end with you!
If You Lose Your Temper – Apologize
Children pick up on more than we realize.
If you do end up losing your temper – the best thing to do is apologize.
Saying phrases like “I’m sorry” and “I was wrong, please forgive me” will teach your child that you can acknowledge when you make a mistake.
In the future, they can be taught to do the same thing, should they ever lose their temper.
Teaching your child how to regulate their emotions will set them up for success in the future!
And learning how to control your own anger will hopefully help you to not say something you’ll regret in the future.
What are some ways you manage your anger when you become upset?
Do you have any techniques you use in your home to help your children manage their own anger?
Tell us your thoughts in the comments below.
To stay current on the latest Mommy Underground stories, subscribe to our YouTube channel. And don’t forget to follow us on Facebook and be sure to like and share our posts!