Trust is not something that comes natural or easy for people, with some finding it even more difficult than others.
Since the dawn of mankind in the garden, we were taught that we should be weary of things we are told.
When you do allow yourself to be vulnerable with someone it can be exciting, scary, and intimate; unless that person plays Judas with your trust.
Finding out someone close to you took advantage of your trust is devastating.
Love What Matters has the story of a woman who went from broken to becoming whole again after her fiance made her a victim.
Even though the “happy couple” were friends before dating, and later engaged to be married, she had no idea that her perfect fiance was looking at pornography throughout their relationship.
Once the addiction was discovered, everything she thought she knew about a man she loved felt wrong.
Not truly knowing someone you were about to spend the rest of your life with was too much to bear and the perfect wedding was cancelled.
The traumatic event of being betrayed by a loved one left the heartbroken bride to be “dreadfully numb”.
Two realizations occurred in that awful and pivotal moment. Love What Matters tells about the crushed fiance’s experience:
“The first gut wrenching realization was the betrayal itself.. It made me feel worthless and unlovable. It made me feel like it was all my fault, and if I would have just done one thing or another differently, I could have changed something. The betrayal itself cut like a knife, but the second realization cut even harder.
My second realization was that someone I loved and cared for deeply had been expertly lying to me for the entire length of our relationship.. So not only did he lie, but he planned carefully how to lie to get away with it. And not once did it ever cross his mind how much that would hurt me. That fact stung. It stung deep, and it stung hard.”
What followed was intense feelings of loneliness and a loss of how to deal with such realizations, while the world around you continues to go on as normal.
Despite the emptiness and pain betrayal leaves you with, healing is possible.
“That first taste of healing came in the form of less tears and a clearer mind” says the victim of the misused trust.
In time, the betrayal didn’t hurt as bad, and the woman began to feel like herself again. But it wasn’t until after grieving and allowing herself to change for the better.
Trauma takes time to work through; with the emphasis on “work.”
The adage “Time heals all wounds” only works if during that time you are allowing yourself to grieve your loss of trust, while working on ways to heal.
You don’t want your betrayal to define you, to decide the fate of the rest of your life.
There comes a point where you have to choose to grow from your experiences, or let it take the wheel in your emotional outcome.
All of this is surely easier said than done, and everyone heals at a different pace. The important thing being that you move forward, not backward into the black whole of pain that can overtake you.
Here are some ways to begin that journey toward being yourself again, and maybe even trusting again.